He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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