my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
