That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
All the doctor said was why
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
