We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
