I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
