I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
