All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
