Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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