When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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