I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
