well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
