I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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