my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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