HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
