dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
