I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
