Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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