i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Fuck appropriateness.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
