I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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