whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
