Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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