Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
