I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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