Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
