the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
