he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
