There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
