you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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