I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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