I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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