i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
How's work?
Spinning.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
