So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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