so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Randomize
