There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
