After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
