If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
