Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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