i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
