Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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