when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
