you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
