Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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