I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
