forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So much Jack, so little girl.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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