After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
