Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
