I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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