I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
