I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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