I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
