omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
